What's the Meaning of it All?
I've had a very busy week at work, and today I felt the strain. After not having had a lunchbreak all week, and working back most nights, I decided I needed to get out of the office for lunch today.
I sat at the food court tables in the local shopping centre and watched the people. Hardly a smiling face to be seen.
I feel like I might have read too many depressing blogs lately. The ones that spring to mind are the ones written by women who suffer from bouts of soul-sucking depression. Seemingly extremely intelligent women, yet emotionally fragile.
I remember seeing an old woman walking along, hunched over and looking at the floor, her clothes tatty and mismatched. And then as I was taking the escalator down to the exit, the shopping centre staff were rushing a screen around an old lady who had collapsed, right there in the food court. I think she may have just fainted, but she may have had a stroke, I dont know. Thankfully the ambulance was on its way.
I got to the bottom of the escalator and was hit with this overwhelming rush of sadness. I think it's the closest I have ever had to a panic attack in my life. I felt so distraught, I thought I was choking with tears.
Am I close to a nervous breakdown? It feels more and more like it every day.
I want to live in one of those fantasy wholesome communities where you know all your neighbours, you share their lives, and they look after you, and there are kids running around every where and generally a good time is had by all. I seem to remember that sort of thing before the cyclone in Darwin. But I dont know if that was my parents perspective on it all. It seemed great at the time.
As I was writing this I managed to spill C's cup of coffee all over the computers and ground and his legs. Bloody hell. Computers still going so far. Floor reeking of cofee. C not burnt - all OK. What a goober I am.
I sat at the food court tables in the local shopping centre and watched the people. Hardly a smiling face to be seen.
I feel like I might have read too many depressing blogs lately. The ones that spring to mind are the ones written by women who suffer from bouts of soul-sucking depression. Seemingly extremely intelligent women, yet emotionally fragile.
I remember seeing an old woman walking along, hunched over and looking at the floor, her clothes tatty and mismatched. And then as I was taking the escalator down to the exit, the shopping centre staff were rushing a screen around an old lady who had collapsed, right there in the food court. I think she may have just fainted, but she may have had a stroke, I dont know. Thankfully the ambulance was on its way.
I got to the bottom of the escalator and was hit with this overwhelming rush of sadness. I think it's the closest I have ever had to a panic attack in my life. I felt so distraught, I thought I was choking with tears.
Am I close to a nervous breakdown? It feels more and more like it every day.
I want to live in one of those fantasy wholesome communities where you know all your neighbours, you share their lives, and they look after you, and there are kids running around every where and generally a good time is had by all. I seem to remember that sort of thing before the cyclone in Darwin. But I dont know if that was my parents perspective on it all. It seemed great at the time.
As I was writing this I managed to spill C's cup of coffee all over the computers and ground and his legs. Bloody hell. Computers still going so far. Floor reeking of cofee. C not burnt - all OK. What a goober I am.
posted by Cathy at 3:22 pm
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